ABSOLUTE ZERO (2006)

Directed by Robert Lee. Starring Jeff Fahey, Erika Eleniak, Jessica Amlee, Britney Irvin. Synopsis: A scientist and his young pair of researchers determine that there is going to be a catastrophic shift in the Earth's atmosphere, resulting in a shift of the polar extremes and resulting in absolute zero in most balmy and tropical places near and south of the equator...and it is going to happen soon.

When a campy, made for TV cable flick has a title like Absolute Zero, its almost too easy to make a lot of wise a** and cutting put-down remarks on how cheesy the movie was by incorporating several variations of the term "zero" into the review. To do that would be low brow, insensitive, and kind of juvenile in the pursuit of a chuckle or two at the expense of a serious, well thought out review.

So, I guess I'll just get started.

No, seriously, this is not a very good movie, although some of you may have seen it in your local video store with multiple copies available in the new release section, which can-sometimes-indicate that it might not be too, too bad. Well, not in this case, although I want to go on record right now and say its not completely horrible, so yours truly will not relegate it to the "Duds" category, because the seasoned movie watchers among you might just have an idea going in that you are not going to be watching top tier stuff and, if you go into not expecting Citizen Kane, or even The Towering Inferno, you might be able to enjoy some aspects of the film.

As you will suspect from the box cover, this is one of those catastrophic-in-nature movies that reflects the unthinkable change in nature. The more cynical among you will think that this is just a low budget rip off of The Day After Tomorrow, and I will admit that the thought crossed my mind as well. They are careful in the film not to refer to the coming calamity as another Ice Age, referring to it as that theoretical scientific condition known as "absolute zero". I don't know if this is legitimate science or not, it made for o.k. theater. (Although I'm quite sure that this condition, if it could occur, wouldn't happen over the period of a couple of days)

Jeff Fahey plays the scientist who first sounds the alarm, based on his observation of some curious weather patterns and his findings on a research trip to the North Pole (in which all of his buddies were killed due to an extreme and deadly shift in the weather, and Jeff was last seen huddling up with his dying pal in a cave when a terrifying CGI storm that destroyed the command post was rolling in. My thought in this scene was "I wonder how he is going to get out of this one?". Well, we fade to black and in the next scene he is back in his office in sunny Miami. You've got to love a script that doesn't sweat the small stuff in details)

Well, when he gets back he sounds the alarm but, as will surprise no one, the higher ups don't believe him, or if they do, they think this big shift is centuries in the future and every one is more worried about securing government funding in the present to ward off this disaster.

Sorry, guys, absolute-freakin-zero is not coming in the 23rd century, its coming later today, and boy does it hit Miami hard. The only people listening to Jeff and his two student researchers are an old professor buddy of his and the prof's wife (Erika Eleniak. Under Siege ), who just happens to be an old flame of Jeff's.

Ah, yes, the tried and true formula of boy meets girl/boy dumps girl/girl marries boy's best friend without boy knowing it/boy meets girl again/girl's hubby gets killed in scientifically impossible catastrophe/boy, girl, and girl's daughter survive in boy's office which is somehow built to withstand a condition no one thought possible two days before it happened/boy gets girl for good/ has been done many, many times, but never better than in Absolute Zero. 

By far, the standout performance in this one is Jessica Amlee, who plays the little girl and has an obvious screen presence and natural talent. That's not to put down the other actors, the script and ridiculous settings did not give them a whole lot to work with.

You might expect some awesome FX in this one like you saw in The Day After Tomorrow. Well, you will be disappointed. Although some of the CGI is not bad, there are others that are cheesier than a Wisconsin dairy farm. In addition to that, at times when they are not using CGI when showing us the devastation coming to Miami, they use the trick of a local newscast footage, which looks suspiciously like some of the footage you might see during the first snowstorm of the year in Albany. Clearly not Miami.

Look, if you've got nothing better to do or have an end of the world complex or love improbable reunions of lost love or if you are a member of that segment of the population who enjoys seeing Erika Eleniak no matter what...then check this out and be prepared to be slightly amused for a while. Otherwise, don't feel bad if you give this a pass, you haven't missed much.