Directed by Gideon Raff. Starring: Thora Birch, Gideon Emery, Kavan Reece, Derek Magyar, Gloria Motsis, Koyna Ruseva, Vladimir Vladimirov. Gore. Synopsis: A group of college wrestlers and their coach get duped into boarding a train where they are immediately the objects of organ harvesters.
Disappointed in this one. Don't mind telling you. Now, I can't say its a huge disappointment, because its not like I was waiting with bated breath to see it or anything, but I picked it up specifically because I'm becoming a big fan of Thora Birch (Dark Corners) and the nuanced, psycho thrillers she has done so well and I expected Train to be along those lines.
Well, its not. Don't get me wrong, that isn't meant as a slap at Ms. Birch, who is easily the best thing about this flick, but when the history of what I predict will be an exceptional career for her is written, I think Train will only be referenced, if at all, at the bottom of the list.
For me, the primary problem is the script/story. Its just silly. I do appreciate new ideas and twists on well worn themes, but its got to be believable even using the "suspension of disbelief" standard we movie buffs need to have when watching flicks in general and those purporting to be horror flicks in particular. Frankly, I didn't list this one under horror because, in my opinion, it didn't make even a slight attempt to be true horror, only gore, which in my view is a distinct category although the two often go together.
The premise is 5 young American college kids who are part of a coed wrestling team (no, I'm not making that up) with a tightly wound coach on a competitive tour in Russia. After a match, the wrestlers disobey the coach's orders to stay in for the night and head out to a night club, aided by the marijuana fueled assistant coach. Well, I can't say anything major happens at the club, but when they return its inexplicably daylight (midday judging from the position of the sun) and their coach is upset that they've missed their train to the next match in the Ukraine.
But, all is not lost (well, maybe some things will be) as a seductive woman (Koyna Ruseva) comes up the coach in broken English and tells him she knows of a train that will take them to their destination. To paraphrase the great R&B/Gospel song from the '60s, There's A Train A Comin' "you don't need a ticket, just get on board".
Disappointed in this one. Don't mind telling you. Now, I can't say its a huge disappointment, because its not like I was waiting with bated breath to see it or anything, but I picked it up specifically because I'm becoming a big fan of Thora Birch (Dark Corners) and the nuanced, psycho thrillers she has done so well and I expected Train to be along those lines.
Well, its not. Don't get me wrong, that isn't meant as a slap at Ms. Birch, who is easily the best thing about this flick, but when the history of what I predict will be an exceptional career for her is written, I think Train will only be referenced, if at all, at the bottom of the list.
For me, the primary problem is the script/story. Its just silly. I do appreciate new ideas and twists on well worn themes, but its got to be believable even using the "suspension of disbelief" standard we movie buffs need to have when watching flicks in general and those purporting to be horror flicks in particular. Frankly, I didn't list this one under horror because, in my opinion, it didn't make even a slight attempt to be true horror, only gore, which in my view is a distinct category although the two often go together.
The premise is 5 young American college kids who are part of a coed wrestling team (no, I'm not making that up) with a tightly wound coach on a competitive tour in Russia. After a match, the wrestlers disobey the coach's orders to stay in for the night and head out to a night club, aided by the marijuana fueled assistant coach. Well, I can't say anything major happens at the club, but when they return its inexplicably daylight (midday judging from the position of the sun) and their coach is upset that they've missed their train to the next match in the Ukraine.
But, all is not lost (well, maybe some things will be) as a seductive woman (Koyna Ruseva) comes up the coach in broken English and tells him she knows of a train that will take them to their destination. To paraphrase the great R&B/Gospel song from the '60s, There's A Train A Comin' "you don't need a ticket, just get on board".
Well, that might be wonderful news when you're thinking of it as an allegory for a spiritual occurence for those of a certain faith, but when you're traveling through a country in which you don't know the native language and English isn't spoken regularly...well, I don't know, I might ask a couple of questions.
Anyway, against this unlikely scenario, our protagonists board the train, with its menacing looking conductor and downright nasty looking porters and, unbelievably, surrender their passports upon request.
Well, the massacre soon begins and, I must say, its high level in gore/torture. For those of you looking for a gore fest and relatively unconcerned about setup/story, etc., you'll be pleased. Just to give you an overview, we see organ extractions such as kidneys and eyes, all while the victims are alive. There are also tongues and male sexual organs being cut off, not to mention a situation where a soon-to-be victim is urinated on prior to being cut up. Last, and least, in my opinion, is the attempted rape/necrophilia scene.(I know there is a compelling legal argument that all necrophilia is rape as well as a compelling legal/logical argument that it's not...I'd just rather not go there, you know?)
Now, you might think that a bunch of young wrestlers with bodies packed with sinewy muscle might put up a hell of a fight, but you will be disappointed...until the end when Thora Birch's character finally fights back with some passion. Look, I know its easy to say what you would do in a stressful situation-and most of the time we're really saying what we hope we would do-but I think its fair to say if you saw some psychopath put a meat hook through your friend's skull and you momentarily stunned him by slashing him with a knife you might-just might-consider trying to finish him off instead of throwing the knife away and letting him (surprise!) recover to torment you for another 30 minutes.
There's more, I won't list all of the issues I had, but just to give you a better idea of where I'm coming from, you'll also see a man push a stationary train for several feet, though in fairness, he is a big guy (tongue firmly in cheek), a slender woman unhook a train car while its moving, a train full of passengers who are strangely compliant and unmoved as victims run through the cars with blood gushing, our heroine fry one of the villians with gasoline (two full cans just happened to be in the train car where the confrontation takes place) and, in the time honored tradition of movie justice, despite the hero sloshing gas all over him/herself while dousing everything else, when the match is lit the flame obediently goes only towards the villian and the resulting fire conveniently leaves a nice, safe path for the hero(ine) to escape without so much as a a scratch or heat residue.
There's more, but as you can tell, I'm just not buying it and I don't think you will, either. Some will call this a blatant rip off of Hostel, merely set on a train. I don't know, maybe. I do respect what director Gideon Raff was trying to do and there are some visually compelling scenes, but there are also a few poorly choreographed "fight" scenes that negate that, such as when Birch hits the villainess, her fist visibly does not come within feet of her face.
But, when you don't have a good story, all is for naught and not even the good acting of Birch and graphic gore scenes can save that. The attempt at a "twist' is weak at best, especially since the motive for whats the point of all this is revealed too early, in awkward fashion, and doesn't make sense. In Hostel, it was killing for the sport of it.
Those of us who have lived long enough in this world can admit that there are (thankfully) few people out there who would do that. Here, the motive is organ harvesting. Not that there aren't folks who would do it, but performing the "operations" on a moving train? And just randomly luring incredibly dopey victims and just hoping they'll have the right blood types, etc? Not to mention just hoping someone will actually board the unscheduled train to nowhere? C'mon.
Those of you who have read my reviews know I'm pretty liberal in giving props to flicks because I truly believe-for serious film buffs-that it is the rare movie that has no redeeming value and should be avoided at all costs. Plus, you know the saying, "One man's trash is another's treasure."
Anyway, against this unlikely scenario, our protagonists board the train, with its menacing looking conductor and downright nasty looking porters and, unbelievably, surrender their passports upon request.
Well, the massacre soon begins and, I must say, its high level in gore/torture. For those of you looking for a gore fest and relatively unconcerned about setup/story, etc., you'll be pleased. Just to give you an overview, we see organ extractions such as kidneys and eyes, all while the victims are alive. There are also tongues and male sexual organs being cut off, not to mention a situation where a soon-to-be victim is urinated on prior to being cut up. Last, and least, in my opinion, is the attempted rape/necrophilia scene.(I know there is a compelling legal argument that all necrophilia is rape as well as a compelling legal/logical argument that it's not...I'd just rather not go there, you know?)
Now, you might think that a bunch of young wrestlers with bodies packed with sinewy muscle might put up a hell of a fight, but you will be disappointed...until the end when Thora Birch's character finally fights back with some passion. Look, I know its easy to say what you would do in a stressful situation-and most of the time we're really saying what we hope we would do-but I think its fair to say if you saw some psychopath put a meat hook through your friend's skull and you momentarily stunned him by slashing him with a knife you might-just might-consider trying to finish him off instead of throwing the knife away and letting him (surprise!) recover to torment you for another 30 minutes.
There's more, I won't list all of the issues I had, but just to give you a better idea of where I'm coming from, you'll also see a man push a stationary train for several feet, though in fairness, he is a big guy (tongue firmly in cheek), a slender woman unhook a train car while its moving, a train full of passengers who are strangely compliant and unmoved as victims run through the cars with blood gushing, our heroine fry one of the villians with gasoline (two full cans just happened to be in the train car where the confrontation takes place) and, in the time honored tradition of movie justice, despite the hero sloshing gas all over him/herself while dousing everything else, when the match is lit the flame obediently goes only towards the villian and the resulting fire conveniently leaves a nice, safe path for the hero(ine) to escape without so much as a a scratch or heat residue.
There's more, but as you can tell, I'm just not buying it and I don't think you will, either. Some will call this a blatant rip off of Hostel, merely set on a train. I don't know, maybe. I do respect what director Gideon Raff was trying to do and there are some visually compelling scenes, but there are also a few poorly choreographed "fight" scenes that negate that, such as when Birch hits the villainess, her fist visibly does not come within feet of her face.
But, when you don't have a good story, all is for naught and not even the good acting of Birch and graphic gore scenes can save that. The attempt at a "twist' is weak at best, especially since the motive for whats the point of all this is revealed too early, in awkward fashion, and doesn't make sense. In Hostel, it was killing for the sport of it.
Those of us who have lived long enough in this world can admit that there are (thankfully) few people out there who would do that. Here, the motive is organ harvesting. Not that there aren't folks who would do it, but performing the "operations" on a moving train? And just randomly luring incredibly dopey victims and just hoping they'll have the right blood types, etc? Not to mention just hoping someone will actually board the unscheduled train to nowhere? C'mon.
Those of you who have read my reviews know I'm pretty liberal in giving props to flicks because I truly believe-for serious film buffs-that it is the rare movie that has no redeeming value and should be avoided at all costs. Plus, you know the saying, "One man's trash is another's treasure."
And, just to be clear, I'm not saying this one should be avoided at all costs, undoubtedly, a few will like it, if for not other reason than the gore and/or Ms. Birch, or the revenge theme, which is (almost) always fun. But, I've always been honest with you guys and I won't stop now.
Train is a dud.
Train is a dud.
Directed by Eric Mandelburg. Drama,
Action.
